


A Sweet Romance Is Not For Me, I Need Electricity

by Swing Set in December (swing_set13)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:45:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6670432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swing_set13/pseuds/Swing%20Set%20in%20December
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy's no damsel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sweet Romance Is Not For Me, I Need Electricity

**Author's Note:**

> Re-post from my old livejournal. From the taserlove prompt fest! OMG I AM SO HAPPY THAT A COMM WAS CREATED FOR THIS AWESOME. lazulisong prompt; Darcy tasers ALL the Odinsons (within reason I think Odin had a shitton of kids). Clint's not sure what to think of this. This is NOT a sequel to Hit Me With Your Best Shot, that's in the works. Unbeta'd so be kind. And I meant no disrespect to the sons of Odin. I'm sure they're all awesomesauce.

After Jane proved to the world that the degrees on her wall weren't just for show and to cover up that weird wallpaper, Asgardians came and went from both realms.

Thor was the first. 

When he wasn't making doe eyes at Jane, he was with S.H.I.E.L.D. being all god of thundery. Darcy really could care less except for the fact that Jane was in a permanent good mood. And was actually eating from a food group that didn't consist of pop-tarts and cold coffee. She treated Darcy to waffles yesterday. Real ones. With fruit and Canadian maple syrup. 

Darcy could get used to that. 

Sif and the warriors three followed soon after. 

They were dorks but they were pretty bad ass. Sif was a guru for self-defense. They bonded over comparing weapons. Darcy still stands by her taser being the ultimate weapon. Volstagg made pretty epic cupcakes. Fandral proof-read one of her papers for linguistics class. Hogun's deadpan humor is hilarious. The best thing is that no one gets it.

So this lured a lot of people into a false sense of security about Asgardians. 

Thor? Honorable and sweet. Sif? Loyal and kick-ass. Hogun? Intelligent and quiet. Fandral? Charming and a bit of Casanova. Volstagg? Strong and could clean out your kitchen if you weren't looking. 

So yeah, everyone thought Asgardians were the bee's knees. S.H.I.E.L.D. was basically wetting themselves at the thought of adding them to their super team. 

So it was surprising when the rest of the sons of Odin that trickled through the rainbow bridge weren't awesomesauce. 

Whatever. Darcy kept her taser charged for these reasons. Girl's got to be prepared. 

\---

"I thought Loki was your brother," says Jane in confusion. 

Thor is standing proudly next to another man. 

"This is Vidar!" he smiles, his eyes tighten at the mention of his lost brother. He claps his brother sharply on the back causing him to wince. "A son of Odin."

Jane and Darcy exchange glances. 

"It is an honor," Vidar bows. It comes across more slimy than charming. 

And since Thor is busy with breaking Stark Industries weapons and Jane is bonding over physics with Dr. Banner. Darcy is left in the lurch with Vidar. 

They end up in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s cafeteria. Vidar spent the entire walk over regaling her with war stories of how awesome he is. He's worse than the jocks from her hometown. 

She ditched him at a table to get coffee. 

"Fancy seeing you here," greets Barton from behind her. 

"Yeah, fancy that," she says pouring herself a cup. She wishes S.H.I.E.L.D. would take her suggestion for a slurpee machine seriously. They caved when Jane needed pop-tarts. 

Barton idles next to her, so she pours him a cup. Whatever. She can be polite. 

He smiles when she thrusts a cup at him, his hand curls around her wrist. She's tempted to pawn Vadir off on him but she's not that cruel. He did get her iPod back from Coulson.

"So what are-" he starts before Vidar shoves his way in between them breaking them apart. 

"How dare you touch the property of a son of Odin!" Vidar shouts pushing Darcy behind him, scalding her hand with coffee. 

Barton looks ready to deck Vidar. 

"What?" Darcy yells. "Oh hell no. I am not yours."

Barton looks pissed but she beats him to it. "I can take care of this," she tells Barton but that just leaves room for Vidar to sucker-punch him. Which Barton blocks before swinging an upper-cut at Vidar. 

It goes downhill from there. A no holds barred fight. Not cool.

"Stop it!" she yells through the fight. 

She's just about ready to pull the fire alarm. She's do it but she's sure Coulson is on to her about the last one. 

So she does the next best thing. It's a shame that Barton had Vidar in a sleeper's hold. He goes down too. Electricity doesn't play favourites. 

It's a good thing Thor came in moments later. Darcy wasn't up to dragging them both to the infirmary. 

"Fear not brother, it is an Earth welcome," Thor laughs slinging his brother over his shoulder. 

The entire cafeteria is shambles. Darcy waves good-bye to ever getting a slurpee. 

\---

Darcy wants to say she likes most Asgardians. Like, Heimdall for example, he's bad-ass. But so far, Thor's brothers have been complete asses. She's ready to write off the entire family tree. 

"Take him to the healing room," sighs Thor as Fandral and Hogun drag out Baldur towards S.H.E.I.L.D's infirmary.

"What? He was starring at my chest!" says Darcy, gesturing with her taser.

"You have to stop doing that," says Jane.

"Hey, where I come from, that's grounds to go junior rodeo on his ass," argues Darcy. "I didn't see you complaining when I did it to Váli."

"Does she speak the truth? Did Váli bring dishonour to you?" Thor asks, looking over Jane for injuries.

"No, he," Jane starts. "Nothing happened!"

Darcy snorts and she doesn't get paid enough to get involved in that.

"Sharp shootin' ace," says Clint from his vantage point by the door.

"Told you I can take care of myself," she says crossing her arms making certain assets stand out.

"Saves me a trip to the infirmary," he smirks, his gaze never wavers from her face. "I think you owe me a coffee."

Darcy will not admit to blushing. The A/C in S.H.E.I.L.D. sucks. Everyone knows that.


End file.
